SRQ Home Explosion Owner Revealed As Wile E.C. III Esq., Cause of Explosion Discovered [EXCLUSIVE PHOTOS]

Mr. Wile was just starting his car in his garage when an explosion occurred that not only killed him but blew the roof off his house and sent his garage door flying across the street into the neighbor’s. Many in the neighborhood believed a plane had crashed as their houses rumbled and giant flames leaped into the air. But evidence now points to foul play. Suspected is Wile’s long time nemesis, Rod Runar. Rod, an Arizona desert transplant, was once quasi-famous for being a professional track sprinter. How he and…

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SRQ News Exclusive: First Interview with Black & Blue Dress

I, Bambi, hopped a barge to Scotland first thing last night when I saw the dress incident forming online. I managed to get a sit-down with the dress this morning. Here’s what I learned: BAMBI: Hi, thank you for taking the time to answer some questions. Obviously you’ve become quite the internet sensation over night. Before getting to the hard hitting questions, how are you taking this all in? DRESS: It is so unexpected. I’ve never in my life asked for this kind of attention. I’m honestly still in shock…

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Salaried Slacker Doughs It Up

In attempt to save face and continue doing absolutely nothing at his job, Joseph McCallister spends $7 every morning to bring a dozen doughnuts to the office. Every single day two or three co-workers stop by his cubicle and thank him. “I just needed a doughnut this morning. Thanks, Joe!” “I really shouldn’t, but I’m gonna grab one of those. Thanks so much!” “I barely ever crave doughnuts but today it just hit the spot. You’re the best!” Joe’s co-workers continue to grow more love for the guy every week,…

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47 Year Old Man Promises to Love and Respect Your Teenage Daughter

His intentions are nothing but good we are told. Ralph Newman (47) isn’t opposed to putting it all on the table. “Listen, your daughter and I are in love. I know she’s 16, but that’s the legal age of consent here so you’re just going to have to accept me. I’m giving you my word as a father and your elder, your daughter is going to get nothing but the finest treatment from me.” Newman and high school cheerleader, Jane Cumbers, have been seeing each other for 7 weeks now.…

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475 Year Long Study Reveals 68% of Religions Are Fake

Belgian scientist, Jargo Jingleheims, spent the last few centuries dedicated to a research project that has finally been published as of today.  According to the double-blind placebo trials, decades of artifact findings, the many sit-downs with God and Vishnu and 1000’s of experiments, nearly 70% of the world’s religions are fake. “It’s not easy learning your life’s core belief system is just made up.  We released the results today and now we sit and watch the responses.  I have a feeling a lot of people will just continue on blindly following…

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Office Worker Fears Receptionist Judging His Office Candy Bowl Habits

James Keaney (32) works as a marketing assistant for Boch Branding, Inc.  The organization leaves a bowl of mixed miniature candy bars on the receptionist’s desk for guests and staff alike to help themselves to.  The company leaders claim it’s small things like this that help keep spirits up and clients comfortable.  Unfortunately it’s doing the opposite for Keaney. Keaney finds an excuse between 9 and 10a.m. to walk past the receptionists area.  Usually this involves grabbing a soda from the coke machine in the main lobby.  On his way…

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Four Year Investigation Uncovers Sarasota Government Officials Actually White Walkers

Nearly half a decade of research has found that the Sarasota government is actually made up of Game of Throne’s white walkers as opposed to what was originally believed to just be old people.  They wear suits and refrain from killing every one in their path in order to allow themselves be disguised as crotchety blue hairs. How they managed to make it to Sarasota without being noticed and then raise to the ranks of law makers and officials is unclear at this time.  The fact that Westeros and the…

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Washed Up Never Has Beens to Play 5-0 Clock Club for 600th Time

If you are looking for something to do tonight or Saturday night.. or well, Sunday night or hey how about Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday night as well, then look no further.  The same bunch of related-to-someone-famous-coat-tail riders will be playing at the 5-0 Clock club pretty much every night of the week.  Which ones you ask? Does it really matter? If you want to hear some standard blues riffs for a few hours played with some moderate talent then you can just go to the 5-0.  Actually, you can…

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