BREAKING NEWS: Birdhouse Is Harmless, Millions Spent Over Lost Homeless Belongings

After a small birdhouse was discovered on the sidewalk across from Sarasota Memorial Hospital on U.S. 41, the entire block and connecting streets were shut down and businesses evacuated. An alarming event with half a dozen helicopters, bomb robots and the entirety of Sarasota county’s police force has been covering all news outlets and social media feeds. Just now the bomb robots have revealed the small birdhouse is perfectly harmless and video recordings show it fell from a bum’s backpack at 4am. Thankfully, the town is safe and the valiant…

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Following Initial Success with Donald Gould, Sarasota Commissioner Vows To Hire More Actors To Portray Talented Bums Around Town

Calling Gould a “trial run,” SRQ Commissioner Chapman says the incredible viral success has paid off and they plan to pursue the initiative further. “It was one of those brainstorming session ideas that just really seemed to stand out. Gould gave an award winning performance. It really tugged at people’s hearts.” Gould, a renowned stage actor in Des Moines says he believes this was his best performance ever. “I truly felt like I was embracing this drugged out, homeless, dead-beat father’s soul. I was him. I felt his pain and…

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