Ringling to Retire All Clowns In Response To Public Outcry

Scoopy, a Ringling Circus resident, began crying as we interviewed him about the latest announcement. “I just don’t know what to think… after a while it just becomes your life, it’s what you get used to.” On November 15th, Scoopy will be a free clown for the first time he can remember.  He was captured at a young age after his mother abandoned him.  All he knows is she was a heroin addict and could still be roaming the streets of downtown Sarasota if not dead. Over the past decade…

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Sarasota Ranked #1 In Amateur Weather Photographer Population

Forbes released it’s annual list of towns with the highest populations of people who think they can take photographs really good. Followed closely by Bradenton (#2) and Portland, Oregon (#3), Sarasota came out ahead in the number one spot with a margin of 11.5%. We caught up with some of the local weather aficionados at sunset on Siesta Key.  James Borgles tells us, “We live in paradise.  I photograph every single sunset and share on my seven primary social media outlets and four of my secondary social sites.  Sometimes I’ll get…

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Area Man Leaves Same Emotionless Birthday Message On All Friend Walls

Each morning John Clenhart goes straight to his Facebook to see who is celebrating a birthday.  Thanks to the handy tool provided by Facebook he’s able to go through all of them sequentially without changing pages. “happy birthday.” he writes 2, 3 occasionally 5+ times a day. “The lack of capital letters show I care enough about the social agenda tied to birthdays on social media but not enough give any enthusiasm.  The period drills it in.” Clenhart goes on to explain there’s a subtle balance in being a part…

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Sarasota Residents More Prepared For Nothing Than Ever

As Hurricane Matthew approaches the East Coast, those in the safe zone couldn’t be more prepared for absolutely nothing. Local jive-turkey Jamie Cortez was seen drinking Miller Highlife and nailing particle board over his windows this evening.  He also managed to stock up on water, gas in the truck and plenty of pre-boiled chicken breasts. “If you watch the radar closely you can see little twitches in the path.  It’s like a penny on train tracks, all it takes is a little nudge and that thing’s gonna ram into us like tourists…

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Area Homeless “Holding Out For Management Position”

As the homeless situation ceases to slow down in Sarasota our investigative reporters hit the streets to uncover what factors could be leading this epidemic. Trudging along Cocoanut Ave. we encountered many street people who were more than willing to chat with us.  Bob Froders, 47, told us the cost of living in Sarasota is far beyond reasonable.  Just grabbing a job at McDonald’s or Wal-Mart would lead to more trouble than it’s worth. “I can sit out here, panhandle and steal shit and make around $25k/year and not even…

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