Hidden Tragedy: Hurricane Irma Cuts Off Drug Flow To Florida

An unreported epidemic has struck Floridians that over shadows all other tragedies brought on by Hurricane Irma.  Hundreds of thousands of Florida residents are without their much needed marijuana and adderall.  Up to 3.2 million people cannot obtain their daily doses of cocaine. With travel from north of Florida blocked up for miles and crawling slowly, state drug dealers are blocked from supplying the various outlets.  Over 80% of UPS delivery trucks are at week+ delays carrying thousands of pounds of cannabis.  These trucks also contain the state’s supply of…

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Sarasota Man Forced To Eat Spilled Canned Tuna Off Ground After Hurricane Irma

In a sad state of affairs, area man Jason Clingsworth forked his tuna a little too angrily while scooping from the can.  As half the chunks of white albacore fluttered to the ground he growled a solemn “fuck” under his breath. Being hard times and having spent his monthly grocery budget on bottled water and Fresca, Jason was forced to pick individual chunks off the kitchen floor.  The flaky bits crumbled as his thumb and forefinger ever so slightly clamped together. At press time a single tear rolled down his…

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