BREAKING NEWS: U.S. Sells Missouri to Syria

In an attempt to stabilize America, The three branches of government unanimously voted to sell Missouri to Syria.  “The unrest was just too much,” President Obama stated in a speech just now.  “We were going to just sell Ferguson but after a short discussion we agreed the U.S. doesn’t even need Missouri at all.”

Coming within just a month of Florida separating into two states this brings the U.S. back to a 50 count.  “Thank Jesus we don’t have to print new 51 star flags! We couldn’t have asked for a better time for these riots.”

Syrian officials are incredibly pleased with the sale.  Costing only $40 and a case of hard liquor, they feel they got the better end of the deal.  “Our rioters are just not as good anymore.  They may light a car or two on fire, but they have a lot to learn from these Missourians.”

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