Local Internet Pirate Pissed Off Free Movie Not Working

Jimothy Cumberbatch (27) sits in his leather computer chair, covered in tart sprinkles that have fallen from his 2lb bag of sour gummy worms, completely and entirely pissed off.

“WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK.  THIS IS THE THIRD COPY I’VE DOWNLOADED.”

Cumberbatch has tried all evening to download a copy of “The Fury” with Brad Pitt.  To his hindrance, each copy has a different issue.  The first download, weighing in at 1.8gb had a watermark pop up every 5 minutes proclaiming “THIS MOVIE BELONGS TO SONY PICTURE, DO NOT REPRODUCE.”  The second copy wouldn’t even play.  Cumberbatch was especially pissed off at this file since he spent a good hour and a half trying to download and install patches and runtimes for his VLC player in order to get it working.  He finally accepted he may have to watch the film in 480p and downloaded the 718mb version.  Ten minutes into the film, though, it begins having hard coded chinese subtitles.

“I’m fucking over it, this is horseshit,” he tells us.  “I’m just going to have to watch something else but this isn’t right.  If you are going to put a film on the internet for people to download then you should make sure it works.  I can’t believe his torrent tracker hasn’t been removed from the Pirate Bay yet.  I’m going to leave him a bad review.”

When we left Cumberbatch he was downloading the new rom com, Magic in the Moonlight with Emma Stone.  According to reports the film is pretty hard to watch.

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