Former Sarasota Racist Proclaims, “I Fucking Love Black People!”

Residents of Newtown were a bit confused, and perhaps a bit suspicious, when they woke up to a rather well-dressed white man walking up and down Dr. Martin Luther King Way, waving at the residents and cars as they pass by. “He looked like he was lost!” says one resident.

As it turns out, the man in question is Retired Billionaire, Walter Winchester Oglethorp III, esq., and he isn’t lost. On the contrary, he’s a man on a mission. Mr. Winchester Oglethorp III was a noted supporter of segregation during the rather tense 1980’s and 1990’s. He funded many noted political segregationists, in local, state and National races. His beneficiaries include, among others, former FL Governor, Jeb Bush, LA State Representative, David Duke and President, Ronald Regan, all known for their pro-segregation platforms.

SRQ News caught up with Mr. Winchester Oglethorp III earlier today. When asked about his latest antics he explained, with obviously unintentional yet subtle racism, that he has had a massive change of heart. “I’ve been gradually coming to the realization that I have far more in common with our pigmentally challenged brethren than I previously thought. I fucking love black people!”

Mr. Winchester Oglethorp III continued describing his epiphany in quite a bit more detail, then proceeded to rub black shoe polish all over his face. Needless to say, this change of heart seems to be quite sincere. Mr. Winchester Oglethorp III feels like his example will serve to encourage others to embrace the similarities they share with their “colored brothers from other mothers.”

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