Manatee Population Vote to Leave SRQ Over Homeless Situation Downtown

We caught up with the Manatee policy makers early Sunday morning.  After a vote of 8 to 1 it’s clear the Sarasota shores will soon be losing their Manatee population.

“We just can’t handle the bums anymore.  No, we don’t go downtown, but the situation has reached a point where trickle down effects are causing issues.” said Big Daddy D., one of the elders of SRQ’s Manatees.  “I’ve been here nearly 40 years and the homeless numbers have jumped dramatically over the past few.  And with that comes crime rates and more.  We feel we can find a better life on different shores.”

A manatee that wanted to remain anonymously told us about a vagabond that recently “Threw their pants covered in shit down in the water right where I was chilling.  I was fucking livid, but I can’t speak English so I couldn’t do anything about it.  I just had to find a new spot to float.”  He recounts many items he’s had tossed on him while floating “Broken microwaves, empty packs of gum, rotten milk jugs and I could seriously go on and on about shit covered pants.  It’s like these bums shit themselves every day and just throw the old pants in the water.  But they don’t have any money, where do they keep getting news pants to shit in?!”

The word is they are going to give the Destin area a shot.  “I heard the Destin Cafe has a fantastic peanut butter bacon burger.”

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