Local Luxury Restaurant Experiments

In a shocking display of risk taking, Mattison’s has decided to take a step outside the luxury menu comfort zone.  Studies have shown all luxury restaurants share the same menu:

Pile of Lettuce w/ Shitty Vinegarette
“Soup”
Steak & Lobster with Potatoes
Steak with Asparagus
Seared Tuna with Asparagus
Shrimp and/or Mussels with Asparagus
Roasted Chicken with Asparagus & Potatoes
Creme Brulee
Chocolate Cake Cumming Fudge Lava

Mattison’s has recently announced they will be adding sous vide chicken nuggets to their dinner menu.  A representative tells us ‘the nuggets are made from select, vegetarian, cage-free chicken thighs.  They are marinated in 30 year old barrel aged balsamic and hammered into dense paste which we ball & freeze before battering in remnants of Christ’s 2000 year old loin cloth he was hung on the cross wearing.”  We were told they are served with honey mustard and asparagus.

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