5 Tips to Get Laid On New Years (For Girls)

DATELINE – Sarasota, FL – New Years Eve

As we close out 2014 and bring in the year of the goat (which is supposed to be an auspicious year)… Us ladies here at SRQ news, thought we would help out our fellow vaginas by giving you tips to get it on, and if you had to look up the word auspicious, like myself, good news! It means conducive to success! So bring a change of panties and some knee pads this New Years eve.

1. Have some semblance of a plan… Don’t sit at home and complain that you didn’t do anything, if you do that, you seriously don’t deserve to get laid this NYE. If everything fails, go to the bars… people (mainly guys) are desperate there… and every good decision starts with alcohol.

2. Accept all drinks from guys: who doesn’t want a free drink?! Don’t be a bitch and turn it down! Lets face it, people are more attractive when you’re drunk. Everyone loves the drunk chick!

3. FACT: if you ask someone to make out, they will. If you follow each other around for long enough, it totally means they wanna take things to the next level, in your pants. Sometimes guys like that bitch switch, if he’s an asshole, play into it. Remember as a girl, you always have the upper hand.

4. Be easy: Throw away that chastity belt your father gave you when you hit puberty! Tonight is the night you can hook up with guys or girls all you want. Gay? Straight? who cares! Go for anyone and anything that moves.
Tip: Go to a bathroom where the floor is soaked in urine and there is a line out the building of people who are about to pee their pants and get it on in there!

5. Lower your standards: Remember you’re a girl… Use the power of the vagina, but also, don’t be totally busted and shoot for a super model… be realistic, then kick it down a notch. Save standards for the rest of your abstinent year. Tonight is the night to lower your standards! If you really lower your standards, then guess what? You can successfully only move your way up the sex appeal ladder.

Good luck, and Happy New Year!

*** Drink responsibly, use protection, don’t be an idiot this holiday season***

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