Area Man Realizes Most Morning FB Posts are GIddy and Insincere After Coffee Wears Off

ELLENTON, FL – Local Resident PJ Heimerdinger has what you may call a nasty habit, every weekday morning at 8am he chugs 5 cups of extra strong black coffee and hits the Facebook. “I need that boost in the mornings, its not as bad as it seems, my tolerance is 3 cups, so I need that much just to get back to normal”

In and of itself this does not seem like a huge issue.. Studies show 4 in 20 Americans struggle with caffeine abuse, but what ensues on the internet after is pure horseshit. Peej goes on to say  “I hop on Facebook and I am so jacked on caffeine that I just start posting nonsense. I’ll type out little phrases that have no real meaning to anyone but myself in that moment in time.  Hell, later in the day I’ll read back the mornings 4 or 5 posts and wonder what the ever-loving-fuck was I thinking”

A quick scan of his timeline reveals links to yoga stores and half-sentence posts about what he was eating and then another post 30 seconds later letting people know what he was listening to followed by asking if his Facebook friends enjoyed that band. The posts get little to no response outside of his circle of two friends.

PJ was unavailable for further comment at press time due to a Twitter Emergency


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