Scientist Find Correlation Between Fear of Salt Water & Medical Marijuana

The results of the mid-term election are in and one of the biggest surprises was Amendment 2 failing to pass. After all the voting districts had reported, a glance at the colored map made it clear to see where the predominance of “no” votes occurred. With the exception of Collier County, whose most famous resident is Ray Finkle, all coastal counties in Florida had a majority of “yes” votes. Scientists point towards a correlation between fears of salt water and medicinal marijuana.

The campaign in favor of medicinal marijuana was centered around compassion and care for those who are sick and in pain. The counter campaign focused more on fear.

I asked Polk country resident Jed Hoofherder (68) why he voted no on Amendment 2, “Them got-damt liberal faggots tryin’ to push their hippie horseshit on us? Take away my pills?? For some sort of HERB?!” when pressed about his thoughts on the lovely Florida beaches he replied, “too many sharks and what-have-yous.” Five other interviews with non-coastal county voters revealed the same mindset.

According to some reports, John Morgan is already working on his next campaign to desalinate the Gulf of Mexico by 2016 when the amendment is said to be up for a re-vote.

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