Unemployed Single Man Just Doesn’t Have the Time Anymore

Bee Ridge resident Kevin Carillo recently quit his job and moved back home with his parents. When asked how he planned to pay bills he said “I have a few thousand dollars saved up, after that, fuck it.” Kevin’s friends have said they haven’t been able to reach him and on the rare occasion he would respond to a text message with “I have a pretty busy schedule lined up for today” Leaving his friends to wonder what he could possibly be doing on a random Saturday afternoon with absolutely ZERO commitments.

Upon further investigation it turns out Kevin has given up the job search and mostly just surfs the internet or sleeps, making up various lies to keep up appearances.

We were able to glean a very insightful comment from him right before press time, “I just have a really busy schedule, I can’t be bothered with lounging around on a weekend afternoon with friends, don’t these people realize I have responsibilities?!”

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