Plane Hatch Flies Off on Bono’s Return Trip, Bono Dead, Foul Play Suspected

In a strange series of events, Bono was returning from his Berlin trip where the fist plane hatch had fallen off the door mid flight. When suddenly, the hatch fell off the return flight plane as well. All passengers survived the first incident, but the same can’t be said for the return trip. All passengers except for Bono survived this one.

Eyewitnesses tell us when the hatch flew off a vacuum pulled the unbuckled Bono straight out into the freezing air where he slowly suffocated while his body froze at sub-zero temperatures. A painful, though some say deserving, death for the serial musician.

The feds suspect foul play seeing as Bono’s seat belt appeared to have been tampered with. 1 billion iTunes users wanted for questioning.

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