Area Father Wonders Which Child Will Be Biggest Disappointment at Christmas this Year

Sarasota dad, Lawrence Fizburn is expecting all four sons to come for Christmas this year. As tradition goes, he’s curious which child of his will be the biggest disappointment this year.

“In 2013 it was Jerry, he got black out drunk on pineapple moonshine and tried to convince his mother that being a high functioning alcoholic is actually better for a family than being sober. His arguments may have been good but he was slurring so bad we could only make out a couple words,” Lawrence explained. “He doesn’t have a line on that shine anymore so not sure if he will be the biggest disappointment this year or not.”

Fizburn tells us between Jerry the alcoholic, Mike the gay one, Barry the reformed Christian and Trey who happens to be all three, he doesn’t have a clue who’s going to be the biggest fuck up.

“You’d think Trey, the fundamental Christian, fag alcoholic would have it in the bag but he’s actually very pleasant. If I had to take a wild guess I’d say it’s going to be Mike, he’s been very in-your-face about his faggyness lately.”

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