Local Woman Runs Out Of Men, Turns To Jesus

After years of sleeping her way through every social circle in the Manasota area, local Barbie McFerguson has run out of men and turned to the son of God.

“You just can’t find a good man in this town.  I’ve been through them all.  Every time I wake up naked in different bed sheets I think to myself, this could be the one.  But now, I realize, there is only one and his bed is in Heaven and now in my heart.”

Barbie has been frequenting the Emmanuel Holy Trinity Church of the Roman God Himself Church on 5th ave.  She says the worship and community provide more than any man she’s encountered in this town.

At press time Barbie was being finger banged in the back pew by a self-proclaimed man of God.

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