New UTC Mall Regrets Not Opening in August to Begin Christmas Season

The new mall located at University and I-75 has its Christmas decorations up soon after opening this year. The festive lights and displays bring what all consumers need, more reasons to buy things.

“We’re excited to have opened the new mall for Sarasota residents and fill the retail market void this town so desperately needed,” said Robert S. Taubman, chairman, president and CEO of Taubman Centers. “We just regret not opening three months earlier with our Christmas displays already setup. These consumer goons fucking love Santa!”

As Christmas seems to come earlier every year, Americans are ready to embrace it with open arms and wallets. Taubman assures us we will be hearing bells by no later than July in 2015.

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