Late Welfare Checks Delay Long Line at Liquor Store

Susan “Dixie” Johnson (38) who works as a “dancer” in a local gentleman’s club, was pleasantly surprised this morning when she arrived at the checkout counter of the “Liquor Locker” liquor store on Fruitville Road. The store was practically empty, making her checkout experience, as she put it, “sweet f***in’ ass.” What’s responsible for the atypical first of the month crowd? It would seem that due to a clerical error at the DPW (Department of Welfare), distribution of welfare checks and EBT credits have been delayed.

When asked on Sunday what overall effect this situation may have on his business, owner Fred Dinkins made this statement: “Shitty”

If reports are correct, this phenomenon extends far beyond just the liquor stores. Wal-Mart, Popeyes, The Glory Hole Grille and Titty Bar, and many other well established, local businesses are also experiencing dramatic decreases in the number of customers.

As we come up on the 3rd day of this situation, concern is beginning to mount over the potential results should things at the DPW continue to drag out.

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