Sexless Timothy Bowers (29, 310lbs) had an emotional turn of events late Sunday night. As he finished the leftover pizza in his refrigerator after indulging himself in a “Serenity” marathon, he still felt a slight caloric deficit that he needed to fill. Fortunately a Taco Bell was only 2 miles away on Lockwood Ridge.
“I strategically moved into these apartments due to the Taco Bell proximity. Sometimes my body tells me that I haven’t given it the proper nutritional mass and it’s a bit of an emergency. Driving 15 or even just 10 minutes can cause cramping, sweating and hot flashes,” explained Bowers.
Unintentionally Bowers ordered three times as much food as he needed due to a deficit miscalculation in his iPhone app. When pulling to the teller he quickly realized his mistake before making eye contact with what he called, “the most beautiful drive thru lady I’ve ever seen in my life.” Quickly realizing his mistake as she handed him the four plastic bags of gorditas, quesadillas, tacos and churros, his face turned bright red. In attempt to save face he quickly tipped his fedora in a romantic gesture and simply said “m’lady” before driving off.
“I was smart enough to act on my feet and save the situation, but that could have been bad if I didn’t show my gentlemanly persona.”