Local Man Has Dream Wife Grows Tiny Penis & Beard

Osprey resident Jack Schlinger (28) went to bed like any other night on Tuesday. When he woke up, he was a new person.

“The dream was so real,” Jack tells us, “the beard was more like a 5 o’clock shadow, maybe a little longer. The penis was little, like a vienna sausage. The craziest part of the whole experience was this long mental and emotional battle I went through internally. I was like, ‘do I turn gay for my wife?’ and after a lot of contemplation, I realized… yes, yes I will turn gay for my wife.”

Life goes on.

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