Sarasota Government Officials Pass Law Banning Sex on Sundays

In another turn of events, Sarasota has passed a law that some are calling a little too personal. When Florida shot down medicinal marijuana last week, Sarasota decided to help lift spirits by turning over a law that banned alcohol sales before noon on Sundays. The reception was very positive, too positive city chairman Mark Humperdink tells us.

“Every one was just so happy to be able to start drinking early Sunday morning. It wasn’t balanced like we expected.”

In order to retain a balance, officials decided to take away sexual relations on Sundays. If a resident partakes in any sexual activity from hand jobs to full-blown intercourse on a Sunday they are susceptible to a $200 fine and up to 30 days in jail.

Area sex fanatic James Dingle is quite upset about the new law, “What the hell?!” he exclaimed to our interviewers. “A man can’t even get a little ball-ticklin’ on a Sunday morning anymore? Where is the world goin’?? This country’s gone.”

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