University Town Center to Bring in Thousands of Unwanted Consumers

Area residents near I-75 and University are up in arms over the new mall being built in their neighborhood. They know exactly what is going to happen when the facility opens on Oct. 16th.

“Those Goddamn scumbags are going to flock out here all the time.” said small business owner Clancy Scrotack. We probed for more information on these particular people.

“Oh, you fucking know, those shit-eating teenagers gonna have mom and dad dropping ’em off and picking up over and over. They piss all over anything they’re near. Then you got the business men who have to get drunk at Cheesecake Factory to prove their value. Immigrants every where the eye can see.”

Scrotack became quite heated during the interview and continued listing off all the populations he apparently hates.

“Florida crackers from East of 75, Protestants, hipster apple-loving shits, carrot wavers, soccer moms, purse snatchers, Brogans, Hebes, and every fucking kind of liberal you can think of. We’re turning into Tampa’s autistic little brother. Just fucking great!”

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